My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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