Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?