I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.