***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.