i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.