I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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