his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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