just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
