sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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