stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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