my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
