There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
