McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
