It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
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Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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