dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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