Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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