i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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