So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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