You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
