quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
