i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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