Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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