anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
