id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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