did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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