You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
