the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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