MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
