I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
