I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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