We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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