Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
