Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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