One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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