My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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