alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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