Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
