You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize