so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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