Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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