you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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