if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize