What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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