on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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