my vag is so smooth its legendary
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
