you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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