so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
