there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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