I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Randomize
