Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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