ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid