in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.