Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?