There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent