Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.