the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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