Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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