if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
